I bet you didn’t know Abike Dabiri. Two factors will make this possible. Either you were not around in Nigeria in the golden era of our Nigerian television girls – the era when being a regular face on Nigerian Television Authority (NTA) gave you the golden key to open all doors – or you were somewhere in the villages very far and distant from civilization – many of us were – that included not having access to the television.

O! You didn’t know? You didn’t know a time was in this clime when seeing a television screen from a distance, was one of the biggest privileges one could get let alone watching it – that people clustered at the windows of homes with television sets to catch a glimpse of Village Headmaster, for instance.

You’re carrying shoulders because you probably met the time when carrying a Blackberry phone was all you needed to get that fine babe behind your sheets! Today, you thought that because you could now watch your matches on your phone – I watched all the AFCON matches on my phone, being on the road most times – there was no time men had to climb walls to turn television antennas to get some appreciable pictures. Chai! This changing world.

Bet you didn’t hear about Bimbo Roberts – later Bimbo Oloyede, Julie Coker and later Augusta Maduegbuna, Elizabeth Nze, Sienne Alwell-Brown, Ruth Benamesia-Opia, Eugenia Abu, Ronke Ayuba, Kehinde Young-Harry, Lola Alakija, in no particular order. No! You wouldn’t if you were not that privileged in the 1980s and even 1990s. They were the glamour of that era.

Advertisement

Glamour? Not in the sense of beauty – but glamour, because television made them so. For indeed, some of these television faces, were not that glamourous.

But beauty or no, Abike Dabiri was one of the discoveries of that era. Obviously not in competition with these others who were the newscasters on NTA News At Nine, she actually carved a niche for herself elsewhere on Newsline – the soft-sell edition of the station’s news programme aired every Sunday.

Abike Dabiri was a toast of that programme. She was a reporter’s reporter – traversing beyond the seven seas and seven wildernesses to bring to Nigerians those rare stories that either made Nigerians laugh their hearts out or cry their eyes out – a doyenne of human-interest reporting.

Then, suddenly – suddenly – suddenly – the serpent came with the forbidden fruit – the temptation of higher ground – the allure of high office – Tinubu’s tainted chalice that comes like glittering ornament but with hollow and rotten underbelly. She took, she ate and now everything scatter-scatter. Our dear Abike Dabiri accepted and ate the sour grape and now her teeth are set on edge! What a pity!

The breeze has blown to uncover the romp of the hen. Before now, whoever believed that our dear Abike Dabiri farts. But we now know that Abike Dabiri-Erewa not only farts, but her fart smells badly. At first, no one noticed the degeneration.

Advertisement

The time she was at the House of Representatives, was the golden era of Tinubu. That was when the Jagaban Borgu was the governor of Lagos State. She glowed along by tapping from glittering appeal of the Lagos show boy!

At that time, Tinubu was generally holding the golden trophy adorned with the beautiful calligraphy of democracy in Nigeria. That was before he drank from the poisoned chalice of Muhammadu Buhari, his predecessor by joining him in the hatred for the Igbo man – a phenomenon that becomes the nemesis of some Nigerian leaders – Buhari’s major insignia. Then the desperation! Then the degeneration! Now the albatross!

Now, whoever hates the Igbo and remains the same? None! That was what sealed Buhari’s fate. And surely the snake that bit that braindead archeological discovery – that museum piece – has definitely whipped Tinubu with its tail and the rest is now history. If not, compare a Tinubu as governor when he was all cozy with Ndigbo and now he has turned 360 degrees.

And as long as the darkness will give way to reveal the sun breaking from the East, the sting of the snake’s tail will reach everyone who toes that line. You know why, the dominant culture of the Igbo man is ofo n’ogu – justice, equity and fair-play! Have you watched an Igbo man pray with colanut.

He wakes up and with his cola in his hands, beckons on his chi with these words – ndu mmiri, ndu azu, mmiri atanaa, azu anwuna – the life of the river, the life of the fish – may the water not dry and may the fish not die! Egbe bere ugo bere, nke si ibeya ebena nku kwaa ya – let the kite perch and let the eagle perch – whichever says the other should not perch, may its wings whither. Which other people say the same or similar prayer elsewhere?

Advertisement

Now, because the kid-goat watches when the mother-goat is chewing the cud, hating the Igbo has become a fad among those who want to please Tinubu. Obviously, the totem through which this sentiment find expression is Peter Obi. He has become the tree standing by the roadside that receives the strokes of the machete. Obi has remained the hieroglyph for expressing real and imagined pro-Igbo angst.

So, in 2025, when Babajide Sanwo-Olu wanted to mend fences with Tinubu, after allegedly falling out of favour with his boss, he launched an unprovoked attack on Obi, using the latter’s Johns Hopkins University lecture as a pad. Reno Omokri, has since made himself Minister of Peter Obi Affairs. Daniel Bwala, Femi Fani-Kayode et al along this line never end a line without Obi getting a slash of their machete.

Enter our dear Abike Dabiri-Erewa. The little birds flying around whistle that her tenure as Chairman of Nigerians in Diaspora Commission (NiCOM) is coming to an end and she is eying a renewal or another job from the Jagaban. How else to go about it than the low-hanging fruit? – Peter Obi.

From nowhere, on Sunday, the media were suffused with the screaming headline – “Peter Obi has actually raised monsters.” As it were with syndicated stories, each of the medium used to transport the outing carried the same headline – well crafted – of course, using her journalism skill to make maximum impact.

After rambling some clearly obtuse and incoherent words in form of reasoning, she ended up with even more brainless, imbecilic and asinine submission – by the time it is Igbo turn to produce Nigerian President, Obidents – followers of Obi – would have destroyed his chances. Me paraphrasing. Chai!

Advertisement

Now, aunty Abike, whose turn is it now? Isn’t already the turn of Ndigbo and the selfsame Obi? Isn’t it part of the argument that the seat your Jagaban is occupying was stolen from Ndigbo? So, you know that Ndigbo also have a stake to it? Yes! You know. But now you have eaten Tinubu’s palm nuts, see how your teeth have all turned red.

But Ndigbo have another way of invoking justice – ochu nwa-okuko nwe ada ma nwa-okuko nwe nwenwe-oso! I won’t explain. Find an Igbo staff at NiMCOM – if there is one – because I hear you hate them so much that finding one near you might be impossible. But even a cleaner in your office could help or better still – ask your spare parts seller. He’s sure to be Igbo!

My name is Sunny Igboanugo, I’m The Tiny Voice!

Advertisement

Justice Centus Nweze was one of the seven S’Court justices that gave the judgement sacking Emeka Ihedioha and pronouncing Hope Uzodinma Governor of Imo State on January 14, 2020.

He later recanted when Ihedioha returned to the same court and declared that Uzodinma was no longer fit and proper to be governor – the only one out of the seven to hold a different view out of the seven-man panel in a dissenting judgement.

These were his exact words on March 3, 2020, with which he emphasised his position after disavowing his earlier position, to capture the impact and import of that event: “The decision of Nigeria’s Supreme Court on the Imo governorship election is wrong and will continue to haunt our (Nigeria’s) electoral jurisprudence for a long time to come.”

But, on Monday, February 6, 2023, Nweze himself, was to lead the same Supreme Court to give another highly controversial judgement – one – legal purists considered no less impactful and damaging to Nigeria’s legal jurisprudence.

Advertisement

It was the 3-2 Supreme Court decision that paved the way for Ahmad Lawan, former Senate President, to return to the Senate, despite being supposedly barred by an existing law forbidding politicians to contest for two different positions in an election circle.

Recall that Lawan, was one of the candidates that contested for the presidential ticket of the All Progressives Congress (APC), a few months earlier, which was eventually won by Bola Ahmed Tinubu, now President of Nigeria.

Many had practically laughed it off, dismissing him as a jester, when he returned with a fresh struggle for the Yobe North ticket for the Senate under the same APC.

But it turned out that the real joke was on these naysayer, who taunted, mocked and even pilloried the former Nigeria’s number three citizen, because in the end, he came out thumbing his chest and shinning his teeth in triumph.

Reason! On Monday, February 6, 2023, the Supreme Court practically wrenched the APC ticket from Bashir Machina, who had earlier picked it at the APC primaries months earlier and handed same over to Lawan.

Advertisement

Guess whom the mantle fell on to read the lead-judgement? The selfsame Nweze, who made the statement above. With two others in support, he went ahead to decapitate the decision of the Court of Appeal, which had earlier thrown into the thrash-can Lawan’s appeal to a Federal High Court decision slamming his claim to the ticket.

Interestingly, Lawan, seemed too ashamed to continue with the matter after the attempt at the appellate court collapsed. He had to hide under the umbrella of the APC, who appealed on his behalf to get the judgement at the apex court.

But you know what? On July 30, 2023, Centus Nweze, died! Just barely six months after the outing. He was just 64 – six years shy of age of retirement for Nigerian judges.

Now, the story. A little message-bearing-bird, squealed that the late eminent jurist didn’t die a happy man.

The establishment was said to have moved in to make him eat his words for stepping out of line in the Uzodinma case. The decision was supposed to be unanimous and giving a dissenting judgement was an affront – more like challenging the gods!

Advertisement

The Lawan outing was the height of teaching him a lesson on how to play ball next time. And play ball he did!

He was procured to read the lead judgement as a way to punish his impudence, underscore his vulnerability and prove where the real power laid.

An erudite scholar, judicial perfectionist and purist of the highest order, whose track record was known beyond the judicial circle, he not only became a wreck thereafter, and unable to live with his conscience, he apparently died a broken man.

Now, it is hard to authenticate this. Nweze is no longer alive to tell his story. But it all the same points as an indicator to the fact that a lot of water passes under the bridge in the nation’s high places, including the judiciary.

Were Nweze alive today, may be one day, in his memoir or other places, Nigeria could read the true story of what actually happened with Lawan, with powerful forces and with intimidation. But do we even need to go that far?

Advertisement

In which other country of the world has the homes of judges been burst open in the middle of the night – many still in their underpants or completely in their birthday suits?

In which other country, has the Chief Judge of the country suffered the fate meted out to Walter Onnoghen by the executive branch of government? Did we not see these with our own eyes?

Has Nigeria been the same ever since? So, if you looked around today and you didn’t find the Kayode Esos, Chukwudifu Oputas, Niki Tobis et al, who looked the military in the face and dispensed justice according to law, who do you blame?

Who is the culprit if the only people who you see are those who receive keys to mansions and sing lustfully – On Your Mandate We Shall Stand? Through where did water enter the coconut?

My name is Sunny Igboanugo, I’m The Tiny Voice!

Advertisement

What was the offence that swept Adrew Cuomo out of office as former governor of New York? You don’t know? Okay, I’ll tell you. He was accused of touching women, including hugging them without their permission. That was considered inappropriate. Fiam! Out he went! That was the end of it.

But you know what? It is the culture of Italians, where Cuomo hails to grab people, embrace them and even kiss them as an expression of warmth and friendship – no string attached. But did that help his case? No! He was a politician, occupying a high position. And cuddling people – women or no – was inappropriate for such a position. And Cuomo doing so, it was not only fatal, it was final!

Now, there is a bigger example. What chased Boris Johnson out of office as Prime Minister of UK? You still don’t know? Again, here is the answer. First, he drank tea and shared a couple of drinks with his colleagues in government during COVID-19. Then the fatal blow – he appointed a cabinet Minister who had a case of abusing a woman.

O tan! Magana yakari! Okwu agwu! In both cases, the two apologised. But their apologies were not directed at retaining their offices. They were for their inappropriate behaviours. The apologies neither vitiated, mitigated, nor cured the consequences, prominent of which was loss of their individual jobs.

Advertisement

Now, imagine the selfsame Boris Johnson announcing the appointment of a dead man into his cabinet. What do you think would happen to him? But how many times has President Bola Tinubu announced the appointment of dead people for public institutions? How many times has he included the names of dead people for national awards as if they were living?

Again, imagine the fate of Cuomo, if he were the one who was caught in a private jet massaging the feet of a woman in such a cozy and lascivious manner as the one seen in a recent viral video? What do you think the American society would have done to him?

So, you hear Nyesom Wike, Minister of the Federal Capital Territory, declaring on national television – with a chunk of global viewership that what stopped him from shooting and kpaying Seun Okinbaloye of Channels Television is the barrier of the TV screen.

Outside that, if he had the way of breaking the screen, our dear Seun would have been resting somewhere in the morgue in Abuja or joining his ancestors in his home of Kwara State.

As you read this, some 72 hours after, he is still in office signing papers for land allocations and supervising the carving out of plots for new estates to emerge out of Jabi Lake precincts – an enclave sustained and maintained by successive governments as probably the only remaining arena for public recreation – in an entire nation’s capital city – to boot!

Advertisement

Surely, you’re hearing the ballyhoo, abi? Some people are even calling for his head! What a laugh! Calling for Wike’s head! In this Nigeria? People joke too much. If Wike is no longer the Wike we know – if he is stripped of his Odogwu power – who would take over and do what he does? Remember if it is not Panadol, it cannot be the same as Panadol.

Who would hold PDP down to ensure that Tinubu has no opposition in 2027? Who has the blank mind to sequester Rivers State the way he is doing such that Sim Fubara, Governor of Rivers state is not only a shadow of himself but a shadow of what his office should be? You people should think! Don’t just talk. What you’re demanding is impossible.

Now, don’t even imagine that it were the Chancellor of the Exchequer in the UK that said that he would shoot Piers Morgan of US Secretary of State that said he was so angry over a comment made by Andy Cooper that he would have shot him! Don’t even go there. The heavens would fall! On their head! Practically!

But surely, you must have read Wike’s response. If you didn’t, know it that he is blaming Nigerians as usual. He says the outrage by citizens is engineered by those doing a hatchet job, “as instrument of blackmail and propaganda by those whose intent is to misrepresent facts for political gains!”

Now, you could be sure that’s the end of the matter. Go wager on it anywhere. Nothing would come out of it. You would probably be hearing about it for the last time within some more few hours from now. Soon, another drama will overshadow it from the theatre house that has become Tinubu’s Nigeria. Just watch.

Advertisement

Come to think of it, who would speak or act in such a manner to check Wike or make him circumspect, wiser or more prudent with his utterances? Who is Wike afraid of? Who would he fear? Is it Tinubu, who himself is full of drama? Didn’t you see the sordid show he put up in Jos, Plateau, hours before Wike’s outing? What is the worth of Nigerians that would make Tinubu sacrifice Wike? That’s a joke!

Which other President across the sane world would instead of visiting the locus in quo – the scene of kpaying of 30 persons in his country – stop at an airport and ask for the victims to be brought to him? And if you took in his puerile explanation that he was pressed for time, ask him if Jos was an isolated case.

Was it not an encore of Benue, when he visited the state over the slaughtering of more than 200 people in Yelwata. Did he visit Yelwata? Did he not stop in Makurdi where he left the grieving people with some phantom and banal words, just like he did in Jos last week.

The only element that politicians are afraid of is election. That is why Cuomo suffered his fate in the US. The snake that bit Cuomo in the US was the same that whipped Cameron with its tail. The reason even Donald Trump is thrashing around frantically today is because the mid-term elections are around the corner and he knows the consequences of losing out.

But here, it is a different kettle of fish. It is either a Yakubu Mahmoud is there in INEC to create “technical glitches” to ingratiate and enable the patrons of grab, snatch and run-away brand or a Joash Amupitan is ensuring that his own INEC will make sure that the patron becomes a sole candidate in his own show.

Advertisement

In other climes, citizens wait to use the power of their thumbs to create the change they need, but here, that door is completely shut in their face. INEC and the judiciary will make sure of that. And might you think of a different approach – I’m sure you saw the bigger show at INEC headquarters last week. Those mint military machines you saw on display were not for fancy.

It is no longer guesswork that the Nigerian military has the best equipment around in this part of the world, the ability to use them more on the citizens than the terrorists for whom they were acquired have also been clearly proven on many occasions. You don’t need to go far to see the left overs. The evidence is there at Lekki Tollgate and other parts of the country.

So, head or tail, Wike stays. Of course, if you do anyhow, you see anyhow! Naturally, there is always a consolation. In the instant case, Lere Olayinka, Wike’s spokesman, told the world that Brother Seun and Wike have spoken on phone about the incident. If you fail to understand that aspect of the conversation a la Nigeria – na you sabi! The joke is on you!

My name is Sunny Igboanugo, I’m The Tiny Voice!

Advertisement